Change is Hard. And Expensive.

My dear subscribers, I am so sorry for neglecting you the last several months. My brain did a little short circuit when it was time to keep writing in the spring, and I have so many half finished newsletters. I was worried they wouldn’t be written well enough, or weren’t moving enough, or not interesting enough. I have a propensity to overthink but it’s time I tell you all what’s going in my world these days.

To tell this story best I think we will have to start with my parents. Money management was not their strength. My mom passed away and left a lot of debt in her wake. Including an additional mortgage on my childhood home that she had entirely forgotten about. They spent money they didn’t have on things they didn’t need and skimped on stuff that shouldn’t have been skimped on. I recently learned from my new pal Kelsey at Aura Finance that money habits are inherited from your family and can take generations to break. In the same way you inherit wealth, you can also inherit the opposite of wealth! I’ve struggled my whole life with money related traumas. For example, a trip to the dentist would look a little like this:

1. I’d get dropped off at the dentist alone, acting like a big kid.

2. Chit chatting with the hygienist about my life aspirations. She was always very impressed by my precociousness.

3. Finding out I had a cavity or needed a mouth guard or had to come back for some costly procedure.

4. Experiencing deep anxiety about what was about to happen at the front desk.

5. The receptionist explaining to me that my insurance covered a total of $15 and that my appointment cost $400 and that I would not be allowed to leave until my parents paid.

6. Me calling my divorced parents trying to get ahold of them (for a time they agreed to split the cost of these appointments).

7. One parent paying their half, the other one nowhere to be found.

8. Me sobbing at the front desk of the dentist while they hold a 13 year old hostage for not paying their fees.

This happened to me so many times I can no longer separate the memories by specific instance, it all blends together as one dentist-hating blob. This now leads me to having the same reactions about basically anything related to money. Last September I was in a pretty bad car accident, my car got smushed between two vehicles. I had to climb out the window on a busy freeway to get to safety. The first thing I was worried about was how much it would all cost me. Here’s a really outrageous photo I took from the side of the 405 that day.

My mindset around money is rooted in deep scarcity. I am constantly afraid, always feeling like I’m treading water. Which brings me to today. I recently found out I would not be able to keep my job at Operate. I’ll spare specific details but basically on a Tuesday I was on top of the world, working my dream job. By Wednesday I was heartbroken, laid off, with nothing lined up. I am not the “nothing lined up” kind of girl. My team did not leave me high and dry with one days notice but the panic set in instantly. I immediately went into survival mode. Firing off emails, making phone calls, and networking my ass off to make it known I was looking for work.

This process has been…a challenge. I don’t really take breaks, because I’m afraid of what happens if I were to run out of all my money.

This is what a normal day looks like inside of my mind. While I’ve been searching for a job, I’ve found that this process does not run on my time. An interview gets pushed? Gotta wait until they make time, no amount of follow ups can force a person to give you an hour. An offer comes? It’s half of what you thought it would be. You think you have something in the bag? The GP tells you that you have “no network” and aren’t the right fit (that one hurt because it is entirely untrue and is rooted in old fashioned standards for what dictates a network but that newsletter will be reserved for another day).

Frankly y’all, I’m scared shitless. I’m scared that I have made some grave mistake along the way and that I will never get to work in Venture again, a job and career that I LOVE. I’m scared that I won’t be able to pay my rent. I’m scared that I won’t get a good job, or the right job, or an impressive job.

Mixed in with all of that fear comes a great deal of excitement. I’m excited because I’m positioned to continue changing the landscape of Venture Capital alongside some incredible GPs and investors who have become my friends. This process would not be remotely tolerable without these people who are constantly sticking their necks out for me. Amber, Andrew, Nathan, and Mallory I am indebted to you forever. To everyone who has given me an introduction, shared my resume, sent me a job posting. To Carey and Kyle for giving me a job in a space that allowed me to find myself. I owe all of you big time.

What’s next for me is still undetermined but there are a few things I know I’ll be doing:

1. I will be launching a syndicate, for young, newly accredited investors to get into early stage deals. We will be investing in entrepreneurs that dive into solving their customer’s problems Head First. More on that to come soon.

2. I’m going to continue moonlighting as a Fundraising Consultant. I’m making pitch decks, running media campaigns, and doing a lot of talking to investors. I’m having great success so far, if you’re a founder planning to raise a Seed or Series A and need some help or don’t know where to start, book a call with me here!

and…the biggest news of all…

I’m moving to San Francisco! As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized the most important thing in my life is my family. I want to be close to them and I don’t want to miss out on moments like this any longer.

To my colleagues, besties, and chosen family in Los Angeles, I have loved the last seven years. I would never trade those years or the time I spent getting to know all of you and getting to know myself.

NorCal I will see you very soon.

I’ve got a lot to build this year, but I guess I will do it brick by brick.

I love everybody. Thank you for being here.

- E